One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned on this recovery journey—besides how much I love naps—is that nothing happens in a neat, straight line. Healing isn’t a tidy checklist; it’s a chaotic, twisty rollercoaster that loops you around, flips you upside down, and occasionally flings your shoes off.
Do I feel nauseous? Sure, sometimes.
Mostly, I feel disoriented—like someone spun me around in the dark and now expects me to walk in a straight line and act like I know where I’m going.
When Your Brain Says Go but Your Body Says Nope
Case in point: the other day I applied for a casual nursing job. Why? Because, in a classic recovery move, I lost my last one due to being unreliable. Not intentionally unreliable—more like my brain said, “You’ve got this!” while my body said, “Not today, sweetie.”
It’s like I still think I’m 21… but then I’m in bed by 8pm and would rather cuddle my animals than hit a dance floor. (Let’s be honest, even the idea of a dance floor makes my knees hurt.)
But back to the job hunt.
After forty years of being a nurse—a job I could practically do in my sleep—I was told I needed six more months of experience before they’d consider hiring me.
Excuse me?
I just stood there, blinking. I wasn’t even angry. Just flabbergasted. And that’s where I stayed for a good 48 hours—stuck in a daze of disbelief, muttering “Six months… really?” like it was some kind of mantra.
The Rejection Spiral (and Chocolate Therapy)
Now normally, this is where we cue the inspirational quote: “When one door closes…” (you know the rest). Usually accompanied by a block of chocolate or a large bag of chips as we try to soothe the sting of rejection.
Ah, rejection. That glorious little reminder that whispers, “You’re not good enough.” And if you, like me, are blessed with rejection sensitivity (thanks, brain!), it’s easy to tumble headfirst down that emotional stairwell, landing in a heap and wondering how the hell you got there.
But not this time.
This time, thanks to a tiny magic pill (aka new medication), I gave myself a day to rest and reset. And then, rather than wallow, I cleaned the house. It looked amazing. For about three hours.
Thank You, Universe (And Also My Mop)
More importantly, I moved through it. I didn’t bury it or let it consume me. And the timing? Perfect. Because the very next day, I got a phone interview for a job I’d applied for weeks ago—not in the health industry, but in a field I’d secretly been dreaming about.
Yeah, Universe. Yeah, me.
As I mopped and moved, it hit me: the universe—and my body—had been gently (and sometimes not-so-gently) telling me for ages that my time as a nurse was over.
Truthfully, I hadn’t wanted to listen.
No Matter what way I spun it, going back again and again was never about passion—it was about the pay. The income had me in chains, dragging myself into work while each shift weighed more than the last.
But somewhere in the mess and the mop water, I realised: I was trading my joy for a gold coin. Betraying my body and spirit for a paycheck. And while yes, bills need paying (and don’t they love to remind us), what’s the real cost?
Trading Joy for Gold Coins
I blamed burnout, anxiety, depression. But those were just the canaries in the coal mine, waving red flags and whispering, “Don’t go back. This isn’t it anymore.” I ignored them. Because I’m not slow—I’m just stubborn. And scared. And trying to make ends meet like everyone else.
But here’s the kicker: survival shouldn’t come at the cost of yourself.
I know it’s hard to ignore the threats and the red “Pay Now or Else” notices. And it’s even harder when you’re met with phrases like, “I’m sorry to hear that, but you need to fix it now.”
There’s not a lot of justice for people in difficult situations. And while I could rant for hours about that (and maybe I will—next post?), what I’ve really learned in all this is that we need to go deeper than surface reactions.
The writing has been on the wall for ages. I just didn’t want to read it.
Letting go of the shore is terrifying. Especially when your family, your culture, and every institution is screaming, “Be responsible!” But maybe—just maybe—our greatest responsibility is to ourselves.
Because safety without joy? That’s just another kind of trap.
Going Deeper: When It’s Time to Deep Dive
The truth is, it’s easy to stay at the surface. To scroll, snack, distract, or power through. But when something feels off, when our body starts whispering or our spirit begins to ache, that’s often our cue—it’s time to go deeper.
If you’re in that space right now—feeling disoriented, questioning everything, or standing at a crossroads—here are a few ways to gently guide yourself into deeper reflection.
✨ Journal Prompts for the Deep Dive
Grab a notebook, a cuppa (or a wine, no judgment), and try these:
- What part of me is trying to speak right now?
Is it my body? My mind? My inner child? My creative spirit? - Where in my life am I settling for “just okay” because it feels safe?
What’s the cost of staying there? - If I weren’t afraid, what would I do differently tomorrow?
This isn’t about being reckless—it’s about being honest. - What is my body trying to tell me that I’ve been ignoring?
Fatigue, aches, anxiety—they’re not just symptoms. They’re signals. - What story am I telling myself about failure?
Whose voice is in my head when I think I’m not good enough? - What would it look like to prioritise myself—just for today?
Even if it’s just for ten minutes, how would that feel?
🌀 Actions for When You’re Ready to Deep Dive
If journaling isn’t your thing (or if you want to go beyond the page), try one of these:
- Body check-in: Lie down, breathe deeply, and scan your body from head to toe. Where are you holding tension? What feels heavy? What feels light?
- Energy audit: Write down everything you do in a day. Circle what drains you and underline what lights you up. Then ask: how can I do more of the underlined?
- Create space: Clean a corner of your home. Clear your inbox. Make a small ritual. Sometimes clarity arrives in clean spaces.
- Say no (just once): Practice saying no to something you usually say yes to out of guilt or habit. Watch how freeing that can feel.
- Reconnect with something you’ve shelved: A hobby, a dream, a forgotten book. See what it stirs in you.
🌿 Your Turn: Share Your Deep Dive
Have you had a moment when the Universe hit you over the head with a frying pan of truth?
What did it teach you?
What did you ignore for too long—and what happened when you finally listened?
💬 Leave a comment below, message me privately, or download the free journal worksheet I’ve created to help you go deeper.
Let’s make space for each other’s messy middles. It’s where the magic starts.
🎁 Free Download: “So Tell Me How You Really Feel” – Reflection Journal
Ready to get out of your head and into your heart?
Feeling the nudge to let go of what no longer fits? This gentle, thought-provoking journal is designed for anyone navigating change—whether you’re stepping away from a long-held role, redefining success, or simply tuning into your body’s wisdom.
Inside, you’ll find 10 soulful prompts to help you pause, reflect, and reconnect with what truly matters.
🌀 Perfect for quiet mornings, messy middles, or anytime you need a little clarity.
