“The inner child is not just a memory. She’s the part of you still believing in wonder, still needing comfort, and still hoping you’ll come home to her.” — inspired by Carolyn Myss
A New Series: The Relationships That Shape Us
We’re in constant relationship—with everything. With people, yes, but also with time, money, our bodies, our creativity, our past. Some of these relationships nourish us, keep us grounded, and help us grow. Others quietly drain us, confuse us, or leave us standing out in the cold wondering what went wrong.
This series is a gentle (and occasionally uncomfortable) look at the relationships we form and what they reveal about who we are. Because when life feels overwhelming, these relationships are often the first to suffer—and the last to get the attention they deserve.
So I’m starting with the one who’s been running the show (mostly in glitter shoes and no plan):
My inner child.
When the Inner Child Takes the Wheel (and the Adult Is in the Boot)
Right now, my inner child just wants to play. She doesn’t want to do job applications or make responsible choices. She wants to sleep in, eat chocolate, avoid the bank balance, and chase butterflies—literally or metaphorically. And to be honest, I don’t blame her. Adulthood feels hard right now.
It’s not that I’m afraid of failing—it’s that everything feels like effort. Endless effort. And all she wants is a little joy. A break from being sensible. A bit of magic.
But here’s where it gets tricky:
If I let her take the wheel entirely, we don’t move forward.
Bills don’t get paid. Calls don’t get returned. Life doesn’t work.
So what do you do when your inner child is running the show… but the adult in you is too tired to take back the keys?
We Are Not All Led by the Same Child
My inner child is playful. She craves freedom and creativity, especially after growing up in a life of structure and discipline. She’s not afraid—she’s restless. She wants to colour outside the lines, skip the sensible steps, and live in the land of “let’s see what happens.”
And let me be honest: I’ve let her lead for a long time.
She’s gotten me into plenty of trouble—both as a child and as an adult.
But she’s also given me some serious fun.
The thing is, she’s impulsive. She makes decisions without thinking of the consequences. And when I let her take over for too long, the clean-up job always lands with me. With the adult.
But I have a dear friend—her inner child is different. Her child is wounded. She’s sitting in fear.
The messages she received growing up weren’t just about rules, but about shame. About not being good enough. Not safe. Not lovable unless she performed a certain way. So now, even as an adult, that child still sits in the dark corners of her heart—afraid to speak up, afraid to fail, afraid to be seen.
Where I avoid structure, she clings to it.
Where I rebel, she freezes.
Where I push the limits, she doubts her right to even try.
We are both led by our inner children—but in different directions.
And neither of us is wrong.
But both of us need the adult to come back into the room.
What Carolyn Myss Taught Me About the Child Archetype
Carolyn Myss, in her work on archetypes, describes the child as one of the core patterns we carry throughout life. She identifies different child archetypes—the wounded child, the orphan, the magical child, the nature child—and each one carries both shadow and potential. https://www.myss.com/
The wounded child, in particular, holds our earliest emotional pain: rejection, abandonment, betrayal, or neglect. This inner child can shape how we respond to love, conflict, trust, and responsibility as adults.https://myss.com/the-wounded-child/
But Myss also reminds us that the child is not just wounded—she is wise. She is intuitive, curious, and creative. She sees the world with fresh eyes. She’s the part of us that still believes in possibility.
We don’t outgrow her—we grow with her.
And if we ignore her, she’ll still find ways to get our attention.
Adulthood Isn’t the Enemy
When we let our inner child run the show, we get stuck in one of two places:
- Play without purpose – avoidance, procrastination, escapism
- Fear without trust – paralysis, perfectionism, withdrawal
The adult self—the one who’s wise, grounded, and kind—has to take the lead. Not to silence the child, but to protect her. To create structure that holds space for both joy and responsibility.
Adulthood isn’t about punishment. It’s about creating permission for freedom.
It’s about saying: “Yes, we’ll play—but first, let’s put on shoes and sunscreen.”
Where I’m At Now
I grew up in a world of rules. Discipline. High expectations. There wasn’t a lot of room for mess or whimsy. So it makes perfect sense that my inner child now just wants to run. She’s making up for lost time.
But I’ve come to see that the answer isn’t letting her run wild—or locking her away.
The answer is learning how to let my adult self lead with love.
To say, “We can play, but not at the cost of safety.”
To say, “We can rest, but I’ll still open the bills.”
To say, “You are heard, and I’m still in charge.”
I don’t have to choose between being responsible and being joyful.
I can be both.
And that’s the kind of grown-up I want to be.
A Gentle Reflection: Who’s in the Driver’s Seat?
If any of this feels familiar, here’s something to explore:
- Choose an area of life where you’re feeling stuck or off-balance.
- Work?
- Money?
- Relationships?
- Health?
- Creativity?
- Ask: Who’s leading me in this space?
- The playful, avoidant child?
- The wounded, fearful child?
- Or the wise adult showing up with care?
- Ask: What would help us work together more gently?
- Does the child need comfort, freedom, or reassurance?
- Does the adult need rest, clarity, or boundaries?
You don’t have to “fix” yourself.
You just need to listen—to the small voice within that wants to be seen and the wiser voice that knows what to do next.
What’s Coming Next in the Series
This post explored what happens when the inner child leads the way—sometimes into joy, and sometimes into chaos. But what about the opposite?
What happens when the adult self takes total control—suppressing joy, stifling creativity, and silencing that inner spark that still believes in magic?
That’s where we’re headed next.
Because a life built only on responsibility may look good on paper…
But without play, without curiosity, without wonder—what’s the point?
Stay tuned for Post Two in the Relationship Series: “When the Adult Takes Over (and the Inner Child Gets Left Behind).”
