Who Do You Follow?
art of the Lead Yourself First Self-Leadership Series
This post is part of the Lead Yourself First series, where we explore what it really means to guide your own life—from the inside out.
One of the first steps in self-leadership is this: identifying whose voice you’ve been listening to.
And I don’t just mean motivational speakers or Instagram experts. I’m talking about those sneaky inner voices that whisper—or shout—throughout your day. The ones that tell you you’re not enough. Or that you need permission to rest. Or that your dreams are silly.
Some of us have never had the chance to truly hear our own voice. We’ve been too busy following rules, keeping the peace, proving ourselves, or trying to fit in.
I know I was. It had been so long since I’d heard my own voice, I didn’t know how to recognise it when it finally spoke up. And that—more than anything—feeds the doubt. Because when you don’t know what’s truly you, how can you lead yourself anywhere?
This post explores how to recognise the voices in your head, how to discern the difference between fear and truth, and how to finally start following the one voice that matters most—your own.
The Noisy Room in Your Head
Self-leadership isn’t just about setting goals or making vision boards. It starts with discernment—the ability to recognise what’s you, what’s conditioning, and what’s just noise.
Many of us grew up being taught to listen to external authorities: teachers, parents, partners, society. We learned to defer, to please, to blend in. And in the process, we often abandoned our own inner knowing.
Sometimes that voice you’re following isn’t even yours.
It might be your mother’s fear.
Your father’s need for control.
Your Year 10 teacher’s opinion that you’d never amount to much.
A podcast guru who insists if you’re not up at 4am, you’re failing life.
Or maybe it’s your inner child, panicking because she doesn’t feel safe—and her idea of safety is binge-watching Netflix and pretending the problem doesn’t exist. Read more about your inner child here
Sound familiar?
Who’s Talking? A Quick Inner Voice Roll Call
Here are a few inner voices you might recognise:
The Inner Child
Playful, creative, needy, fearful, joyful—and often running the show when you’re overwhelmed. She might act out through procrastination, people-pleasing, or perfectionism. She’s not the problem, but she does need gentle parenting.
The Inner Critic
Sharp. Loud. Ruthless. Sounds like “You’ll never finish this,” or “Who do you think you are?” Often a mix of societal pressure and unhealed wounds masquerading as ‘truth’.
The Inner Wise One
Usually the quietest voice in the room. She speaks in nudges, gut feelings, and moments of peace. She doesn’t shout—but she knows.
The Echo Chamber
Not a voice so much as a loop. Instagram influencers, TED talkers, your accountant’s opinion on your side hustle—it’s the external noise that you’ve internalised. Sometimes inspiring, often confusing.
Self-Leadership Begins with Discernment
When you begin the work of leading yourself, you need to pause and ask:
- Whose voice is this?
- Does this voice serve me?
- Is this voice rooted in fear or wisdom?
Discernment is like adjusting the frequency. You’re tuning out static so you can finally hear your own song.
Choosing Mentors (and Not Just Loud Ones)
A big part of self-leadership is choosing who gets to influence you. And it’s tempting to think the person with the biggest following or fanciest marketing funnel has the answers.
But popularity doesn’t equal wisdom.
Look for mentors—real or virtual—who align with your values. People whose lives, not just their advice, feel steady, grounded, and in integrity.
Sometimes your best mentor is a quiet friend.
Sometimes it’s your own journal.
Sometimes it’s your future self whispering, “Keep going.”
Why the Inner Child Needs to Be Part of the Conversation
Here’s the twist: your inner child might be the one choosing who you follow.
If she didn’t get the guidance or validation she needed growing up, she might now gravitate to voices that promise safety, certainty, or approval.
She may follow those who sound like authority figures—even when they’re unhelpful.
Or she might rebel, refusing to follow anyone—resulting in chaos, avoidance, or overcorrection.
That’s why it’s so important to acknowledge your inner child when you’re choosing a mentor or making a big life decision. She needs reassurance. She needs to feel heard. But she doesn’t need to drive the car.
Your Inner Adult and Inner Leader
Balancing your inner child with your inner adult is a daily practice. Your adult holds the boundaries. Your inner leader holds the vision. Together, they can co-create a life that feels meaningful and manageable.
Here’s what it looks like:
- The child says, “I’m scared.”
- The adult says, “That’s okay. We’re doing it slowly.”
- The leader says, “Here’s the direction. Let’s go.”
Self-leadership is listening to all the parts of you—and choosing wisely who takes the lead.
A Few Journal Prompts to Try
- Whose voice do I most often hear when I doubt myself?
- Who or what am I following out of fear or habit?
- What kind of guidance does my inner child really need right now?
- What does my inner wise self say about the decision I’m facing?
- If I were mentoring myself, what would I say today?
Final Thoughts: You Are the Voice You’ve Been Waiting For
At some point, you have to stop outsourcing your decisions to the loudest voice in the room—whether that’s your inner critic or your favourite life coach.
The only voice that truly knows your path… is yours.
Self-leadership doesn’t mean you never seek help. It means you choose wisely who you follow—and you make sure you’re not abandoning yourself in the process.
So the next time you hear that familiar voice in your head, pause.
Take a breath.
And ask: Whose voice is that, anyway?
You might be surprised by the answer.
