I’ve never been great at setting healthy personal boundaries. In fact, I’ve been hopeless at them.
I was raised to be kind, helpful, generous—but somewhere along the way, those beautiful qualities got tangled up in people-pleasing, over-giving, and forgetting myself entirely. Everyone and everything else came first. My needs? A distant second. Or third. Or last.
I had no boundaries around money. I literally gave it away—like a reverse ATM with no PIN protection.
I had no boundaries with work. That one was my biggest downfall.
I was in a toxic relationship with work, and I mean toxic. It was like that bad boyfriend who gives you just enough validation to keep you hooked. Work became my identity. It improved my self-worth—until it didn’t. I loved it more than it loved me. I gave it everything, and in return, it burnt me out.
When we don’t set boundaries, we bleed.
We let life happen to us instead of creating life for ourselves. We become the shipwreck instead of the sailor.
And if you’re an empath—oh boy—you’re especially at risk. We see needs everywhere. We feel suffering like it’s our own. We jump in to help. And without healthy personal boundaries, we don’t just help—we absorb. We carry what isn’t ours. And before you know it, you’ve pulled someone out of their pit, only to realise you’re still down there… and they’ve walked off with the ladder.
I once dated a man I thought was the bee’s knees. (Or as Nicole Cody brilliantly calls them, a renovator’s delight—you know, full of “potential.”) Three years later, after a slow-drip of emotional and psychological abuse, I couldn’t recognise myself in the mirror. My confidence was gone. My money? Gone. My self-esteem? Left behind somewhere between red flags and second chances.
Ironically, he had become what I once was—confident, admired, successful. While I was left shattered.
It’s true what they say: behind every successful man is a woman who supported him. Some of them are grateful. Others? They dump you via text while you’re at the airport waiting for them to pick you up.
Let that sink in.
When we don’t set boundaries, we don’t just let others hurt us—we start hurting ourselves. We gaslight our own intuition. We abandon our dreams. We talk ourselves out of what we know we deserve.
So today, I’m asking the hard question:
What needs protecting in your life right now?
Boundaries aren’t just about keeping people out—they’re about keeping your values in. Your energy. Your vision. Your sacred time. Your joy. Your finances. Your inner peace.
They’re not walls. They’re filters.
They’re not mean. They’re necessary.
The idea of setting healthy personal boundaries might sound overwhelming at first—especially if you’ve never been taught how. But the truth is, boundaries are a skill. And like any skill, you can learn, practice, and strengthen them over time.
So where do you start when it comes to setting boundaries?
It can feel overwhelming—especially if you’ve spent a lifetime letting others in without a gate code. But here’s how I began rebuilding mine (and still do when they get a little… floppy):
1. Start small and specific
Pick one area that’s leaking your energy—money, time, work, relationships.
Then ask:
👉 What’s one thing I can say no to this week?
👉 What’s one limit I can gently enforce?
2. Get clear on what you need
It’s not about being selfish. It’s about being self-honest.
Try asking:
👉 What do I need more of? (Rest? Time? Space?)
👉 What do I need less of? (Drama? Guilt? Emotional debt?)
3. Expect discomfort—not disaster
People won’t always love your new boundaries, especially if they benefitted from your lack of them. That’s OK.
👉 Discomfort is not a sign you’re doing it wrong. It’s a sign you’re doing it differently.
4. Use “I” statements
Boundaries aren’t attacks. They’re declarations.
Try this:
👉 “I’m not available at that time.”
👉 “I’m focusing on my health right now.”
👉 “That doesn’t work for me.”
5. Make your boundaries visible to you
Write them down. Stick them to your mirror. Tattoo them on your heart.
Boundaries need maintenance. Like fences, they sag without attention.
A quick personal story…
I start a new job tomorrow—working from home. I’ve done this before. And let me tell you, home can become the office real quick if you’re not careful.
It starts with good intentions.
I’d think: I’ll just check my emails while I make my coffee… I’ll just start at 7am instead of 8:30 to get a head start…
Next thing I knew, work had crept from my desk into the dining room, then spilled into the kitchen like an unwelcome guest who overstays their welcome. It was everywhere. I was nowhere.
Not this time.
This time, I’ve got a pin board above my desk with my goals—my blog, my new business, my plans for travel, and the intuitive readings I now offer. These are things that matter. Things I’m building, not bleeding for.
And more importantly—I’ve got the memory of what burnout feels like. I’ve lived it.
And no job, blog, or inbox full of “urgent” is worth crawling back into that dark hole again.
I’ve got something to protect now.
Me.
But we’re human. We forget. We fall back into old patterns. That’s okay too.
When you catch yourself letting the boundaries slip—don’t panic.
Just pause. Tap into compassion. Ask yourself:
Where did the leak come from?
Then fix it. Gently. Firmly. Kindly.
Because setting boundaries isn’t about being perfect.
It’s about protecting what you love—especially when that “something” is you.
