In my last post, I talked about trusting the universe to deliver. This time, I’m flipping the lens inward because, as it turns out, trusting yourself is a whole other level of hard. Sure, it sounds straightforward. But have you tried ignoring the siren song of a shiny new distraction or a shortcut that promises you everything you’ve ever dreamed of in six months or less? Spoiler: it’s basically a full-time job.
Here’s the thing: we’re bombarded daily with ads, emails, and influencers telling us, “Do this ONE thing, and you’ll achieve all your goals faster than you can say ‘millionaire lifestyle.’” Deep down, we know these promises are as fake as the “just won the lottery” emails in our spam folders. And yet, there’s a tiny part of us that thinks, Well, maybe this one is different…
So we subscribe. We download the freebie. We attend the webinar. All because we’re secretly hoping to avoid what feels like the hard work—the messy, unglamorous slog of doing the thing we actually want to do. You know, like writing a blog, finishing a project, or chasing that dream that’s been gathering dust in the corner.
Why Is Trusting Ourselves So Hard?
Trusting yourself is hard because there’s no one else to blame if you fall flat on your face. When you trust a coach, a course, the latest “guru,” or the universe, you have a convenient scapegoat if things don’t pan out. But when you put your faith in yourself, you’re all in. If it doesn’t work out, the only person to point the finger at is the one staring back at you in the mirror.
That’s terrifying.
It’s also hard because we live in a world constantly selling us the idea that we’re not enough as we are. The subtext of those shiny promises is clear: You can’t trust yourself. You need this product, this system, this person to guide you. Unlearning that message takes time and effort. And let’s be honest—some days, it’s just easier to believe the ads than to bet on yourself.
We also struggle with trust because it requires us to take responsibility. If we fail, we have to own it. There’s no escape hatch, no one to blame.
But that’s also what makes trusting ourselves so empowering—when we succeed, it’s entirely ours.
The Midlife Advantage (and Responsibility)
Here’s the silver lining about hitting midlife: we’ve seen enough of these fads and influencers to recognise the smoke and mirrors. We can laugh at the ridiculous promises because we’ve been around the block enough times to know what’s real and what’s not. The downside? Our kids might not have that same filter yet.
What are we teaching the people around us—our kids, our friends, even ourselves—about what’s real? Are we showing them that true success comes from hard work, perseverance, and trusting your gut? Or are we inadvertently reinforcing the idea that the next big thing will fix everything? It’s a sobering thought, but also a powerful reminder that our choices ripple outward.
Self-Sabotage and the Shiny New Thing
Let me tell you about my personal favorite avoidance tactic: the shiny new thing. For me, that’s often gaming. A few rounds of my favorite game? Suddenly, hours have vanished, and the writing I meant to tackle has been bumped to tomorrow (a magical land where productivity is infinite and distractions don’t exist).
But here’s the kicker: when I actually sit down to write, it’s not that hard. I enjoy it. The words start to flow, and I’m reminded of why I love doing this in the first place. Yet, time and again, I’ll find a way to procrastinate. Why? Because trusting myself to commit to the process and see it through is scary.
What if I pour my heart and soul into this, and it turns out to be terrible? What if I never finish it? What if, a year from now, I look back and think, Wow, what a waste of time.
The Real Work: Trusting Yourself
These doubts are sneaky little devils, aren’t they? They make us question our abilities and our worth. But here’s what I’ve learned: trusting yourself is not about eliminating those doubts. It’s about moving forward despite them.
And let’s not forget—I’ve done hard things before. I quit smoking. I gave up alcohol. I even spent 18 months writing the first draft of my novel. So I know I can commit to something worthwhile. But it’s easy to forget those victories when faced with the day-to-day grind of sticking to a goal.
The Temptation of Shortcuts
The next big thing—whether it’s a course, a trend, or a miracle product—tempts us because it promises to make the journey easier. And who wouldn’t want that? But here’s the uncomfortable truth: there are no shortcuts. The only way to achieve something meaningful is to do the work. The unsexy, unfiltered, sometimes-boring work.
That doesn’t mean it’s all drudgery. In fact, there’s real joy in the process once you let yourself sink into it. But first, you have to get past the noise, the distractions, and the self-doubt.
Learning to Trust
So how do we learn to trust ourselves? For me, it’s about taking small, consistent steps. Instead of worrying about where I’ll be in six months or five years, I focus on showing up today. I write the blog post. I edit the draft. I chip away at the goal.
Here are some additional tips to help build self-trust:
- Embrace Failure as a Teacher
Reframe failure as an opportunity to learn instead of a dead end. Every misstep is a step closer to understanding yourself and what works for you. - Celebrate Small Wins
Build trust with yourself incrementally. Set small, achievable goals and celebrate when you meet them. It reinforces the belief that you can rely on yourself and creates positive momentum. - Be Your Own Cheerleader
Speak to yourself with the kindness and encouragement you’d give a close friend. We’re often our harshest critics, but learning to trust yourself requires self-compassion. - Reconnect With Past Successes
Create a “win journal” where you list things you’ve accomplished—even small things like organizing a closet or learning a new skill. Reflecting on your ability to follow through in the past can remind you of your capability. - Set Realistic Expectations
Trust isn’t built overnight. It’s okay to fall off the wagon—just keep climbing back on. Consistent effort over time builds confidence and trust. - Surround Yourself With Realistic Role Models
Follow people who inspire you with their honesty and dedication—not just their curated perfection. - Ask: What’s the Worst That Can Happen?
When fear strikes, ask yourself: What’s the absolute worst-case scenario? Often, the answer isn’t as catastrophic as we imagine.
And when you slip up—because you will—it’s okay. Trusting yourself isn’t about being perfect. It’s about showing up, trying again, and believing that you’re worth the effort.
A Final Note
If you’re someone who’s also struggling to trust yourself, know that you’re not alone. It’s a journey—sometimes messy, sometimes hilarious, but always worth it. And hey, if you slip up and spend an afternoon gaming or chasing a shiny new distraction, it’s okay. Just dust yourself off and start again. You’ve got this.
