Life is a curious dance of plans and surprises, and if you’re anything like me, you probably prefer to choreograph every step. I like my spreadsheets colour-coded, my goals planned to the minute, and my ducks in a row (preferably wearing little hats). But life? Life has a way of laughing at our plans and tossing the script out the window.
Trusting the universe is hard. It’s especially hard for those of us who cling to control like it’s a life raft in stormy seas. Letting go feels like free-falling into the unknown, which—technically—it is. When things don’t unfold on our timeline, the frustration can feel personal, as if the universe forgot to CC us on the divine plan.
But here’s what I’ve learned: the universe isn’t ignoring us. It’s just working on a timeline we can’t always see.
When Control Freaks Meet the Universe
I’ll admit it—I’m terrible at letting go. For me, planning is comfort. It’s the illusion of certainty in an uncertain world. But that illusion shatters the moment things don’t go according to plan. And let me tell you, these last few years have been a masterclass in shattering illusions.
Dealing with burnout was especially challenging. The prescription was rest—giving my body and mind time to heal—but I spent the first six months plotting how to return to work as quickly as possible. When my psychologist mentioned that 18 months was the typical recovery time, I balked. “What do you mean 18 months?” I shouted. “I can’t just lie here for 18 months! I have things to do, bills to pay, and a life to keep up with.” (Though, in hindsight, I’m not sure what exactly I was trying to keep up with.)
Every time I ignored the prescription, the universe sent me unmistakable reminders through my body and mind. I’d deteriorate and have to start over, often from an even worse place. When my insurance time ran out, I thought, “Okay, back to work I go.” But every job I applied for turned me down. I couldn’t understand it—how could they not want me? I was qualified, experienced, and had a clear plan for how the role would fit into my life. Yet every door seemed to slam shut in my face.
Then came the plot twist. Out of nowhere, I was offered a position as a Clinical Coordinator—an RN job that would pay the bills and put me back on track financially. I thought, “Finally, the universe is delivering.” I accepted the offer, started making plans, and… stepped in a hole. Literally. The job offer vanished as I was sidelined with a broken ankle.
At the time, it felt like the universe had a personal vendetta against me. But in hindsight, that broken ankle was the universe’s way of saying, “Pause. You’re about to step into a bigger hole—figuratively speaking.”
In the end, a job found me that was far better suited to my needs. It wasn’t flashy or overwhelming; it was exactly what I needed: a role that pays the bills, allows me to work with great people, and satisfies my curiosity to learn while leaving me time and energy to focus on my true passions—writing, blogging, and building the creative life I’ve always dreamed of.
Win-win.
The Science of Letting Go
Letting go isn’t just a spiritual or philosophical practice—it has roots in science. Studies in psychology and neuroscience reveal that relinquishing control and practicing acceptance can significantly reduce stress and improve mental health.
- The Role of Acceptance
Research shows that acceptance helps individuals process difficult emotions more effectively. A 2014 study published in the Journal of Contextual Behavioural Science found that people who practice acceptance experience lower levels of stress and greater psychological well-being. When we stop resisting what’s happening and accept the situation as it is, we free up mental energy to focus on constructive solutions. (And let’s be real—resistance doesn’t change the fact that the dog has already vomited on the carpet. Acceptance, however, might get you to grab the paper towels faster.) - The Stress Response
When we try to control outcomes that are beyond our control, our body activates the stress response. Chronic stress can lead to anxiety, burnout, and even physical health issues. Hello!!! Letting go counteracts this by shifting our focus away from rumination and into the present moment, where stress tends to dissipate. Think of it as your brain going from a high-stakes action movie soundtrack to the soothing tones of elevator music—far less exciting, but way more sustainable. - Neuroplasticity and Trust
Letting go rewires the brain. Neuroplasticity—the brain’s ability to adapt and form new connections—means that practising trust and acceptance can gradually change how we respond to uncertainty. Mindfulness meditation, for instance, has been shown to strengthen brain regions associated with emotional regulation, such as the prefrontal cortex, while reducing activity in the amygdala, the brain’s fear centre. In other words, your brain stops throwing a tantrum every time life doesn’t go your way and starts acting more like a calm adult at a wine tasting. - Positive Psychology and Gratitude
Positive psychology emphasises the power of gratitude and reframing challenges as opportunities. When we reframe setbacks as redirections, our brain begins to seek the silver linings, releasing feel-good neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin. This shift in perspective builds resilience and fosters a sense of hope, even during tough times. (So the next time your favourite coffee shop is out of oat milk, you can channel your inner Zen master and think, “Ah, a chance to try almond milk and expand my horizons.”)
Why Letting Go Is So Hard
For control freaks like me, letting go feels unnatural. Planning gives us a sense of security like we’re holding the reins of life. When the universe doesn’t deliver what we want, when we want it, the disappointment feels like betrayal.
The truth is, letting go is about learning to trust that the universe sees the bigger picture. It’s about recognising that closed doors aren’t punishments; they’re detours. And sometimes, they’re saving us from stepping into something that isn’t meant for us.
Looking back, I can see it clearly now. If I had forced my original plan to work, I’d have been stuck in a job that didn’t align with the life I truly wanted. The universe wasn’t rejecting me—it was redirecting me.
How to Surrender Without Losing Yourself
So, how do you let go without feeling like you’re free-falling into chaos? It’s not easy, but here are some ways to ease into trust:
- Acknowledge Your Frustration
It’s okay to feel upset when things don’t go as planned. Instead of bottling it up, let yourself vent. Write it down, scream into a pillow, or talk it out with a trusted friend. Letting go doesn’t mean ignoring your emotions. It means allowing yourself to feel them without getting stuck in them. (See previous post about the gratitude trap or read it here. https://agypsyinhighheels.com/navigating-the-burden-of-gratitude/ - Reframe Rejections as Redirection
Every “no” is guiding you toward something better. Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” try asking, “What is this teaching me?” Keep a journal of lessons learned from setbacks to remind yourself of the growth that comes from detours. - Give Yourself Permission to Pause
When you’re caught up in the whirlwind of plans and expectations, take a step back. Pause. Breathe. Trust doesn’t mean you have to have all the answers right now. Use this time to reflect, recalibrate, and recharge. - Practice Trust Rituals
Build daily rituals that reinforce your trust in the universe. Here are a few ideas:
• Write letters to the universe detailing your hopes and dreams.
• Meditate on your intentions and visualise positive outcomes. I love the app insight timer. My daily go to.
• Start a “Signs of Support” journal to record little moments where things unexpectedly worked out.
These rituals help shift your focus from control to collaboration with the universe.
Affirmations for Letting Go
Here are some affirmations to help ease the grip of control and strengthen your trust in the universe:
- I trust that the universe guides me toward what’s best for me.
- I release my need to control the outcome.
- I am open to opportunities beyond my imagination.
- Every detour is leading me closer to my path.
- I am safe in the flow of life.
Print these affirmations, save them as your phone wallpaper, or repeat them aloud each morning. Over time, they’ll become second nature.
The Universe Always Knows
Looking back, I realise that every rejection, every detour, and every literal and metaphorical fall was the universe’s way of guiding me toward alignment. It wasn’t easy—it rarely is—but it was worth it.
Trusting the universe doesn’t mean giving up on your dreams. It means releasing the need to control how they come to life. It means believing that the timing, the detours, and even the broken ankles all have a purpose. When I reflect on my life, I see countless times when the universe delivered something far better than I could have planned and for that I am grateful.
What About You?
Have you struggled with letting go? What lessons has the universe taught you about surrender and trust? Share your story in the comments—I’d love to hear how you’ve learned to dance with the unknown.
