The beginning of a new year always carries a sense of renewal—a chance to start fresh and redefine ourselves. For me, this year isn’t about resolutions; it’s about reclamation. But first, I had to lose what I thought defined me to truly understand what I wanted to reclaim. This journey of rebuilding resonates deeply with R.E.M.’s haunting anthem, Losing My Religion. Though the song isn’t about literal faith, its themes of disconnection, doubt, and longing perfectly capture the experience of losing not just faith in the traditional sense, but also hope, identity, and confidence.
The lyrics echoed in my mind as I stood amidst the wreckage of a life I no longer recognized. It wasn’t just a song; it was a mirror reflecting my struggles, my losses, and the unrelenting question: who am I now?
This new year is about finding answers—or at least the courage to explore them. It’s about examining the pieces of my identity and asking whether they still fit the person I am becoming. It’s not about going back to who I was; it’s about moving forward to who I want to be.
The Pain of Letting Go
To reclaim identity, you must first confront loss. This isn’t just about mourning; it’s about recognizing that some parts of you may no longer serve your future self. Letting go can feel like betrayal, but it’s a necessary step toward growth.
For me, the losses over the past few years felt relentless. I lost my mother, my two beloved dogs, my career, and most painfully, my brother. Each loss chipped away at my sense of self until I was left with fragments. Work had become intolerable as I was bullied, and I found myself wondering where the woman who had been game to try most things had gone. I used to be someone who jumped out of planes and drove cross-country alone, but those pieces of me felt distant and unreachable.
Adding to the weight of loss was menopause—a transformation that brought physical changes I struggled to recognise in the mirror. My body no longer felt like mine, and the dissonance added another layer to the identity crisis I faced.
And let’s not forget the small, humorous indignities that come with it all. Like realising your once-favourite jeans now qualify as “vintage”—not because of the style, but because you haven’t fit into them since the last millennium. Or how I now carry a fan everywhere, not as a fashion statement, but as my personal cooling system. Hot flashes don’t care about decorum.
But loss also offers clarity. It forces you to see what truly matters and invites you to shed the weight of what doesn’t.
Rebuilding: A Process of Examination
Rebuilding identity isn’t about reclaiming everything; it’s about choosing the pieces that align with who you are now and who you’re becoming. This new year, I’m asking myself: What still fits? What do I need to let go of? What am I ready to embrace?
1. Start with Reflection
Begin by acknowledging where you are. Pretending everything is fine only deepens the disconnect. Take time to sit with your thoughts and feelings.
- Journal Your Journey: Write about what you’ve lost and what you hope to regain. Explore your fears and dreams with honesty. I’ve journaled every day for the last three and a half years, and I couldn’t be without this time. It helps me gain clarity as well as silencing a noisy brain.
- Name the Pieces: Identify aspects of your identity you’ve held onto out of habit and consider whether they still belong in your life.
2. Embrace Impermanence
Identity is fluid. What fits today might not fit tomorrow, and that’s okay. Growth requires adaptability.
- Experiment with New Roles: Try activities or mindsets you’ve never considered. See what resonates. Barre is on the list for this year. I’ll let you know how it goes.
- Let Go of Shoulds: Release the pressure to meet others’ expectations. Focus on what feels authentic to you.
3. Seek Connection
Surround yourself with people who support your journey of self-discovery.
- Reconnect with Supportive Relationships: Lean on friends and family who encourage growth.
- Find New Communities: Join groups aligned with your evolving interests or values.
- Seek Guidance: Therapy or mentorship can offer clarity and support.
4. Practice Gratitude and Self-Compassion
As you rebuild, be kind to yourself. Progress is not linear, and that’s part of the beauty.
- Celebrate Small Wins: Recognize and honor every step forward.
- Accept Setbacks: View missteps as opportunities to learn, not reasons to quit.
- Focus on Gratitude: Each day, find something—however small—that brings joy or peace.
Moving Forward: A Vision for the Year
This year, I’m creating a life that feels true to me. I’m reclaiming the parts of my identity that still fit and embracing the opportunity to craft something new from the rest. It’s not about perfection; it’s about alignment.
- Define Your Values: What principles guide your decisions? Use these as your compass.
- Dream Boldly: Allow yourself to envision a future that excites you, even if it feels out of reach.
- Act Intentionally: Break down big dreams into manageable steps and celebrate progress.
The Journey Continues
Reclaiming identity is an ongoing process. It requires courage, curiosity, and a willingness to face uncertainty. This year, I’m leaning into that uncertainty, guided by hope and resilience. The journey may be messy, but it’s also beautiful.
So, as we step into this new year, let’s embrace the opportunity to redefine ourselves. Let’s examine what fits, release what doesn’t, and celebrate the possibility of what could be. Losing my religion wasn’t the end; it was the beginning of finding myself.
If this resonates with you, take a moment to reflect on your own journey. What do you want to reclaim this year? Share your thoughts in the comments or reach out—I’d love to hear your story. Together, let’s make this a year of transformation and becoming.
Here’s to a year of reclamation, transformation, and becoming.
